brokenness

I love this quote or tradition or story from Japan.  It is a perfect representation of what my God does with my broken pieces.  People take broken objects made of glass, pottery, etc. and they mend them back together with gold.  I am sure it is not cheap but I imagine it looks amazing!  I would like to envision this scenario for each chapter of my life.  Each new chapter is the beginning of a new bowl or clay pot.  When I feel that "chapter" ends in ruin or has fallen apart, it has not really ended.  It has yet to be pieced back together to be more beautiful and better.  To be healed in ways my brain cannot imagine.

This "chapter" I am in currently has very large broken pieces with very jagged, sharp edges.  This blow to my heart, gut, and my whole being happened without warning.  Without any forewarning.  Without any inclination of thought.  Everything I practice for self-care, reflection, processing, balance...became non-existent.  I could acknowledge for the first time "depression."  Beyond sadness.  Beyond worthlessness.  Beyond hopelessness.  The deepest part lasted about 8 hours before I forced myself to listen to my body and inner being.  Oddly I craved the smell of Geranium.  Most odd, I know, but completely and honestly true.  I remembered receiving a "Happily Ever After" oil blend a few weeks back that contained Geranium amongst other oils (Ylang Ylang, Coriander, Bergamot, and Jasmine).  I took some great big inhales and felt some willpower to take a shower.  I diffused a few drops in the diffuser while I showered.  I rolled some on the back of my neck, forearms, and over my heart.  I dropped a few drops on my lava bead bracelet.  Every few hours I reapplied to the back of my neck and another few inhales.  I would, at times, still experience overwhelming waves of sadness that would hit me at the most unexpected times.  I would breathe through them, repeating to myself, "This will pass.  This feeling will pass.  This feeling is not forever."  But, the pain, the deep, dark place I went to for a moment, was not as harsh.  I would take a small whiff of my bracelet.  I would imagine it reaching those sorrowful memories, the most hurt inner parts, and wrapping lovingkindness around them.  Then I looked up the emotional side of Geranium in my book, Emotions and Essential Oils, 4th edition.

Geranium: The Oil of Love and Trust   Geranium heals the broken heart.  It encourages emotional honesty by facilitating the emergence of grief or pain that has been suppressed.  Geranium softens anger and assists in healing emotional wounds.  It assists in re-opening the heart so that love may flow freely.  Indeed, Geranium could be called the "emotional healer." 

The negative emotions it addresses include: abandonment, loss, unforgiving, unloving, disheartened, heavy hearted, grief, etc.

I was feeling all of those emotions.  I was experiencing each of those situations all in one quick blow.  Maybe I have been using these oils for emotional use long enough now that my brain knows what it needs.  Maybe it was my Divine Power using my self-care ways to pull me up out of the deep.  Maybe these things just happen because they need to happen.