acknowledging sad feelings has its benefits
Analyzing my mind today.....
So, I have had a self-reflection moment....er, moments. I like to think of myself as a reflective type of person. I think, honestly, sometimes I just need extra time to process things which makes me seem like a reflective person. hehe. I'm ok with admitting that.
I visited with an old-time friend just yesterday. When I say "old-time" friend, I mean a friend I had growing up. A friendship that started in fifth grade and continued throughout middle school, different high schools, and different colleges. The friendship then split as our lives went down separate paths that was not linked with social media, email, phone, snail mail, etc. But, thanks to LinkedIn our paths have crossed again!
This old-time friend was not just any friend. This was not a friend that we would only hang for a bit every Friday and Saturday night. Or, one that I would go to in the most severe of times. This was one that was a constant rock whether we were together or not. This was my quiet supporter (sometimes loud, if need be) that accepted me no matter the decision I made. The type of acceptance that allowed me to make decisions and love me in spite of the rejection it showed towards them. The one that need not say anything and we completely understood the other's thoughts.
We now have our own families that we started without each other. We have our own successes that we achieved without each other. As I have since left the coffee cafe where we met for the first time in probably nine years, I have been in this processing/reflection mode with an odd feeling. I could not pinpoint what the feeling was or what it meant. As I talked briefly to my mom about the three hour conversation I had with this old-time friend, I felt the strong desire to cry. I became very confused about this feeling and desire. What is wrong with me? I did a self-check. Am I moody? Am I hormonal? Am I upset about something? Am I scared about something? All answers came back with a "no, not really." Then it hit me. Am I sad? This thought was followed by a memory of a quote I had heard once: One of the hardest things you will have to do is grieve for someone who is still alive. Er, something like that. I was sad for ..... something I still have not figured out. But, I know I was sad, and that is the first step.
This realization, made me think of the kids I teach. (Here is the education connection!) I am an adult and struggled with a feeling I could not put a word or explanation to that caused me to go on autopilot for a bit. How do we expect children to have so many things in their lives that are out of their control and come to school to learn so many new things? The children I work with struggle with abuse, neglect, survival, and disabilities. I try to imagine and feel the defeat they may feel before they even wake up each morning. How do I go to battle with that each day to ensure their success for the day, let alone the success for their school career? It is a big journey to take on. I feel a small step on the right path is to acknowledge the feelings they may be having based on my own struggles with my own feelings. Kristin Souers says in her book, Fostering Resilient Learners,
So, I have had a self-reflection moment....er, moments. I like to think of myself as a reflective type of person. I think, honestly, sometimes I just need extra time to process things which makes me seem like a reflective person. hehe. I'm ok with admitting that.
I visited with an old-time friend just yesterday. When I say "old-time" friend, I mean a friend I had growing up. A friendship that started in fifth grade and continued throughout middle school, different high schools, and different colleges. The friendship then split as our lives went down separate paths that was not linked with social media, email, phone, snail mail, etc. But, thanks to LinkedIn our paths have crossed again!
This old-time friend was not just any friend. This was not a friend that we would only hang for a bit every Friday and Saturday night. Or, one that I would go to in the most severe of times. This was one that was a constant rock whether we were together or not. This was my quiet supporter (sometimes loud, if need be) that accepted me no matter the decision I made. The type of acceptance that allowed me to make decisions and love me in spite of the rejection it showed towards them. The one that need not say anything and we completely understood the other's thoughts.
We now have our own families that we started without each other. We have our own successes that we achieved without each other. As I have since left the coffee cafe where we met for the first time in probably nine years, I have been in this processing/reflection mode with an odd feeling. I could not pinpoint what the feeling was or what it meant. As I talked briefly to my mom about the three hour conversation I had with this old-time friend, I felt the strong desire to cry. I became very confused about this feeling and desire. What is wrong with me? I did a self-check. Am I moody? Am I hormonal? Am I upset about something? Am I scared about something? All answers came back with a "no, not really." Then it hit me. Am I sad? This thought was followed by a memory of a quote I had heard once: One of the hardest things you will have to do is grieve for someone who is still alive. Er, something like that. I was sad for ..... something I still have not figured out. But, I know I was sad, and that is the first step.
This realization, made me think of the kids I teach. (Here is the education connection!) I am an adult and struggled with a feeling I could not put a word or explanation to that caused me to go on autopilot for a bit. How do we expect children to have so many things in their lives that are out of their control and come to school to learn so many new things? The children I work with struggle with abuse, neglect, survival, and disabilities. I try to imagine and feel the defeat they may feel before they even wake up each morning. How do I go to battle with that each day to ensure their success for the day, let alone the success for their school career? It is a big journey to take on. I feel a small step on the right path is to acknowledge the feelings they may be having based on my own struggles with my own feelings. Kristin Souers says in her book, Fostering Resilient Learners,
Acting in ways that align with our knowledge of ourselves will ensure a more cohesive and consistent response in all arenas of our job -- with students, families and fellow staff and in stressful and not-so-stressful situations -- an essential ingredient for trauma-sensitive practice. Attempting to act in a manner that is not true to ourselves, on the other hand, sets the stage for mistrust and disruption.I have to be honest with myself and do self-checks. In the past, I would have ignored the feelings. I would have tried to push them away, since there is no sense in me feeling this way (that is a common mental thought I have). But, there is sense in all feelings- whether others will agree or accept. Once the feelings are acknowledged, I need to figure out what I need to do to balance myself emotionally and mentally. Self-check, identify, stabilize. That's kind of catchy! In this instance, the act of acknowledging the feelings and writing about it (and crying a bit) was enough to stabilize myself. I was sad and grieving for a friendship that was amazing in its own time, but no longer existed. And, I am okay with that. That happens. Life happens. It is okay to be sad about it sometimes.
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