you know it is a tough week when...
This morning I walked into the bathroom to take a shower.
This is what I saw:
The first thought into my head was, "I guess it's been a hard week."
This week could qualify I think as a "worst."
My husband has relapsed.
He is unsafe to be around when drinking alcohol.
Al-Anon teaches me I can not change him or his behaviors. It teaches me that the situation is not in my control. I CAN control how I react, handle, and cope. Alcohol is unacceptable in our home at this moment. So, he had to leave, right? We were in the midst of a winter storm. Below freezing temperatures, ice, sleet, and snow. What does that look like for someone who has no where to go. His other family members refuse to take him anymore. What does a wife do for her husband in this situation? What does a mother do for the father of her children?
I am told in Al-Anon readings that it is my job to take care of myself. His behaviors are not my responsibility. His choices are not my choices. His moods are not my moods. So, I ask myself, "How am I going to take care of myself in this moment or today or this week?" I have to stop obsessing over what he is doing, has done, and may do. I have to stop obsessing over how I should react to him, how I should handle his behavior, what is going to happen to him. It is not my responsibility or fault what happens to him. Even if I put him out of the home. What happens to him is not my responsibility. It is not my fault. What is my responsibility: me and my children.
I looked up "responsibility" in my Al-Anon book, How Al-Anon Works. I picked at random and turned to one of the pages it listed that discusses responsibility. It happened to be the chapter titled, "A Wife Leaves Fantasy Behind." It made me realize one of my shortcomings in the midst of this "worst" for me. It made me realize that I have been living in a fantasy world. I had been neglecting my family as I lived in my thoughts of a new house with enough rooms for all of us. I had been neglecting my children's emotional needs as I was lost in the desire to find a solution to life that is impossible to find without my Creator. I had even been neglecting myself by not setting aside time to run or yoga, when I know it helps clean out the muddleness of my brain.
Essential oils, I am reminded of so regularly, do not "fix" people, situations, or problems. They do not "solve" uncertainties, finances, or relationships. What they do is soothe parts of the brain that need soothing. They free parts of the brain that holds resentment, shame, loneliness, and sadness. They enlighten parts of the brain that need encouragement, consolation, support, and kindness. If we can start there, in the brain, then our body follows suit. Our words become kinder. Our hearts become more open. Our feelings become more compassionate. Then, good things will come.
At the end of the week, the oils near my diffuser and my lotion included:
(descriptions taken from Emotions and Essential Oils: A Modern Resource for Healing, Fourth Edition 2015)
Clove supports individuals in letting our of victim mentality when feeling influenced by other people and outside circumstances.
Lavender aids verbal expression when it calms the insecurities that are felt when one risks their true thoughts and feelings.
Arborvitae assists individuals who believe or act like all progress must be made through struggle and solitary effort instead of trusting in the Divine.
Balance for personalities who seek to escape from life through disconnection or disassociation.
Coriander moves the individual from doing things for the acceptance of others to honoring and living from the True Self.
Serenity calms feelings of hostility, fear, anger, jealousy, rage, and resentment for those struggling to forgive other for their hurtful blunders and behaviors.
Bergamot relieves feelings of despair, self-judgement and low self-esteem to support the individual in need of self-acceptance and self-love.
On Guard is incredibly helpful for strengthening the inner Self along with the inner resolve to stand up for one's Self and live in integrity.
Cedarwood brings people together to experience the strength and value of community.
Lemongrass assists individuals in entering a healing mode or cleansing state so one can let go of old, limiting beliefs, toxic energies, and negativity.
Melalueca releases codependent and parasitic relationships the maybe with people, microorganisms in the physical body, or spiritual beings.
I did not use all of these all at the same time. Before a bath or a shower, I did a feeling check-in with myself and diffused the oils that coincided with my feelings or self-talk. Before putting lotion on in the morning, I did a feeling check-in and put a few drops of one or two oils in the palm of my hand and mixed with my lotion that I spread all over my body. It is most important to help yourself with what you need in that moment, for that day.
(***NOTE: Arborvitae, Clove, and On Guard can burn when applied to skin without enough dilution with a carrier oil/lotion. I normally diffuse them or put them on my lava bead bracelet. Always apply a small amount first to avoid possible painful reactions that could incur if spread over large areas of skin. Everybody's skin is different. I made the mistake with Clove once- eek!)
The first thought into my head was, "I guess it's been a hard week."
This week could qualify I think as a "worst."
My husband has relapsed.
He is unsafe to be around when drinking alcohol.
Al-Anon teaches me I can not change him or his behaviors. It teaches me that the situation is not in my control. I CAN control how I react, handle, and cope. Alcohol is unacceptable in our home at this moment. So, he had to leave, right? We were in the midst of a winter storm. Below freezing temperatures, ice, sleet, and snow. What does that look like for someone who has no where to go. His other family members refuse to take him anymore. What does a wife do for her husband in this situation? What does a mother do for the father of her children?
I am told in Al-Anon readings that it is my job to take care of myself. His behaviors are not my responsibility. His choices are not my choices. His moods are not my moods. So, I ask myself, "How am I going to take care of myself in this moment or today or this week?" I have to stop obsessing over what he is doing, has done, and may do. I have to stop obsessing over how I should react to him, how I should handle his behavior, what is going to happen to him. It is not my responsibility or fault what happens to him. Even if I put him out of the home. What happens to him is not my responsibility. It is not my fault. What is my responsibility: me and my children.
I looked up "responsibility" in my Al-Anon book, How Al-Anon Works. I picked at random and turned to one of the pages it listed that discusses responsibility. It happened to be the chapter titled, "A Wife Leaves Fantasy Behind." It made me realize one of my shortcomings in the midst of this "worst" for me. It made me realize that I have been living in a fantasy world. I had been neglecting my family as I lived in my thoughts of a new house with enough rooms for all of us. I had been neglecting my children's emotional needs as I was lost in the desire to find a solution to life that is impossible to find without my Creator. I had even been neglecting myself by not setting aside time to run or yoga, when I know it helps clean out the muddleness of my brain.
Essential oils, I am reminded of so regularly, do not "fix" people, situations, or problems. They do not "solve" uncertainties, finances, or relationships. What they do is soothe parts of the brain that need soothing. They free parts of the brain that holds resentment, shame, loneliness, and sadness. They enlighten parts of the brain that need encouragement, consolation, support, and kindness. If we can start there, in the brain, then our body follows suit. Our words become kinder. Our hearts become more open. Our feelings become more compassionate. Then, good things will come.
At the end of the week, the oils near my diffuser and my lotion included:
(descriptions taken from Emotions and Essential Oils: A Modern Resource for Healing, Fourth Edition 2015)
Clove supports individuals in letting our of victim mentality when feeling influenced by other people and outside circumstances.
Lavender aids verbal expression when it calms the insecurities that are felt when one risks their true thoughts and feelings.
Arborvitae assists individuals who believe or act like all progress must be made through struggle and solitary effort instead of trusting in the Divine.
Balance for personalities who seek to escape from life through disconnection or disassociation.
Coriander moves the individual from doing things for the acceptance of others to honoring and living from the True Self.
Serenity calms feelings of hostility, fear, anger, jealousy, rage, and resentment for those struggling to forgive other for their hurtful blunders and behaviors.
Bergamot relieves feelings of despair, self-judgement and low self-esteem to support the individual in need of self-acceptance and self-love.
On Guard is incredibly helpful for strengthening the inner Self along with the inner resolve to stand up for one's Self and live in integrity.
Cedarwood brings people together to experience the strength and value of community.
Lemongrass assists individuals in entering a healing mode or cleansing state so one can let go of old, limiting beliefs, toxic energies, and negativity.
Melalueca releases codependent and parasitic relationships the maybe with people, microorganisms in the physical body, or spiritual beings.
I did not use all of these all at the same time. Before a bath or a shower, I did a feeling check-in with myself and diffused the oils that coincided with my feelings or self-talk. Before putting lotion on in the morning, I did a feeling check-in and put a few drops of one or two oils in the palm of my hand and mixed with my lotion that I spread all over my body. It is most important to help yourself with what you need in that moment, for that day.
(***NOTE: Arborvitae, Clove, and On Guard can burn when applied to skin without enough dilution with a carrier oil/lotion. I normally diffuse them or put them on my lava bead bracelet. Always apply a small amount first to avoid possible painful reactions that could incur if spread over large areas of skin. Everybody's skin is different. I made the mistake with Clove once- eek!)
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