love, miss, release

  

love.

miss.

release.

forgive.

console.

peace.

This has been my mantra the last week.  Weekends are hard for me sometimes.  Specifically, Saturday and Sunday mornings.  The kids are getting their weekend TV time in for an hour or two.  This gives me a bit of time to relish in the beauty of a sleepy mind remembering past dreams, the irregular chatter of bird conversations outside the window, and what used to be the comfort of a loved one's arms which is now the comfort of a handful of pillows.  Sometimes this space that was once shared with another brings hope in being just one instead of two.  Sometimes this space sits in loss and vacantness.  I remind myself feelings are temporary.  These feelings will pass.  Depression comes from past memories and feelings that cannot be changed, but they can be remembered and still felt.  

So, what I do...

I lay in it for a minute.  I feel it.  I notice the way my head feels about it.  I notice the way my heart feels about it.  I notice the way my gut feels about it.  I may even cry about it.  The "3 brains" of our neural-processing include the brain, heart, and gut.  Everything that happens to us is stored in our cells.  Every experience, every emotion, every memory is stored in the molecules of our cells.  Sometimes those cells need to be restored back to a healthy place.  The best way to make this happen is to acknowledge it, feel it, accept it, and release it.  And... I sometimes oil it.

I have been wearing a blend of Forgive, Console, and Peace.  The smell of them together is blissful and tranquil.  It brings solace and affection to all parts of my being.  It allows some release.  

Some people think you have to go somewhere to find peace.  Some may think you have to replace the hurt and pain with someone else or something else, or that you have to fill the loss with something better and greater.  I ask myself: What is wrong with things just being different now?  What is wrong with there being a small void?  Who says it has to be filled?  Who says it had to be there to begin with?  Okay, yes, maybe it needed to be there...but, who says it has to be there now?  It is accepting what is the now for what it is and enjoying it.  That may even mean enjoying and processing the bad feeling knowing it will not always be bad.  This thought processing is much easier compared to fighting the pain, masking the pain, or replacing the pain.  

It is much easier to accept the pain, the loss, the discomfort and smile at it for what it is.  Maybe even thank the Higher Power for the ability to feel, love, miss, and release.